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All animal rescuers at some point in their lives reach a moment of truth. It's at this point you question whether or not it is worth hearing one more horrible animal story, treating one more animal in pain, or dealing with one more animal abuser. Then after the tears and heartache passes, you realize you must hear one more animal story, treat one more animal in pain, and deal with one more animal abuser because that is why you are here on this Earth -- to be the strong and steady voice for those that cannot speak of their pain and misery.
I keep asking myself -- had I known how devastating it would be to conduct a personal investigation into the business practices of this local animal sanctuary, which I spent 10 years of my life volunteering, would I do it all again today? After many quiet reflections and tears, I could only come to one conclusion -- absolutely. Why? Because it wasn't about the all the dirt, grime, sweat, tears, sunburns, bug bites, and time spent out there in the cold, heat and rain -- it was all about the animals...it was always about the animals and making sure they were safe and healthy.
Prior to December 2005 I believed the animal sanctuary, where I volunteered at, was a wonderful and caring facility for sick and injured animals. It was on the news all the time and not too long ago it was featured on Animal Planet. I was constantly amazed at all the new animals arriving at this facility and silly me thought they were all living at one of the two animal facilities. Back then I had absolutely no reason to doubt the directors or the workers were helping animals in need.
Then came the moment of truth -- when I learned that all was not what it seemed to be at the animal "sanctuary." The best way I can describe how I felt on December 17, 2005 was...... well, learning the people I volunteered with each weekend were actually mass murderers and their victims were the animals . This last statement may sound a little exaggerated, but believe me the feelings of betrayal, disgust, sadness, disappointment and absolute horror were very real. I could not eat, I could not sleep, I could barely process what I learned from the animal caretakers, veterinarians, court records, open records, and statements made by former board members. Then I reviewed all the old animal inventory lists I collected over the years and the true horror sunk in -- I crashed to my knees and cried my eyes out for hours -- praying to God to take away my pain and sorrow for the shear number of all the animals that either died or disappeared over the years from this facility. Then came the discovery of the animal pits at both locations -- based on the past animal inventories, newspaper/Internet articles, and internal documentation, I estimated hundreds of animals were buried in these pits over the past 10 years. Animals that I grew to love and adore, tossed into a pit along with other animal bodies, left to rot in the ground until more bodies were added.
I asked people associated with this facility, "Why didn't you tell me about this [horror] sooner?" The answer I got was "we thought you knew what was happening to the animals." I was told by the workers they were instructed to keep quiet and not discuss the fate of the animals with the public--including me. Animals were often moved around and shuffled between the two facilities, so it became almost impossible to know what happened to them. In 2005, the animal caretakers opened up and shared with me a lot of what they knew was happening at this "sanctuary." Shockingly, they were unwilling to take a stand with me in support of the animals for fear of losing their jobs. I also learned past employees and other individuals voicing complaints were threatened with lawsuits if they spoke out against the facility, so the lesson the employees learned was "keep your mouth shut." So now I was alone.
I can not begin to count the number of times I cried out, "Why me Lord? Why have you shown me this? What can I possibly do to save these animals now -- I am alone because the workers do not want to save the animals because they love their jobs more than they love the animals -- so now what?" It was during my darkest moment when one quiet message was sent to me from Heaven - "if not you, then who will save the animals?" I was inspired by these words because God told me that one person can make a difference. I just needed guidance (where to find the evidence), instruction (how to present the evidence), and determination (to see this through to the end). God doesn't admire quitters - He created me to "roar" and I was determined to do just that for all the lions, tigers, wolves, ligers, non-human primates, human primates, cougars, bobcats, servals, birds, rabbits, bears, and all of the other God's creatures living (or no longer living) at this facility -- even if it meant I would have to "roar" alone.
Thankfully, God gave me the strength and courage to continue my personal investigation into this place. Over the course of several months, I met and spoke with a lot of wonderful animal rescuers/caregivers-- ironically almost all of them already knew the horrific conditions at the "sanctuary"-- and with their help and guidance I was able to obtain the evidence I needed to go to the Federal and State governments and request immediate investigations into the this facility. This blog is my journey -- my account of perseverance and determination - which I hope will give strength and comfort to anyone facing a similar situation. Remember -- never lose faith in what you are doing -- your passion for animals will never diminish if you stay true to your heart and your convictions.
Added August 2013: Life as an Animal Rescuer...
I keep asking myself -- had I known how devastating it would be to conduct a personal investigation into the business practices of this local animal sanctuary, which I spent 10 years of my life volunteering, would I do it all again today? After many quiet reflections and tears, I could only come to one conclusion -- absolutely. Why? Because it wasn't about the all the dirt, grime, sweat, tears, sunburns, bug bites, and time spent out there in the cold, heat and rain -- it was all about the animals...it was always about the animals and making sure they were safe and healthy.
Prior to December 2005 I believed the animal sanctuary, where I volunteered at, was a wonderful and caring facility for sick and injured animals. It was on the news all the time and not too long ago it was featured on Animal Planet. I was constantly amazed at all the new animals arriving at this facility and silly me thought they were all living at one of the two animal facilities. Back then I had absolutely no reason to doubt the directors or the workers were helping animals in need.
Then came the moment of truth -- when I learned that all was not what it seemed to be at the animal "sanctuary." The best way I can describe how I felt on December 17, 2005 was...... well, learning the people I volunteered with each weekend were actually mass murderers and their victims were the animals . This last statement may sound a little exaggerated, but believe me the feelings of betrayal, disgust, sadness, disappointment and absolute horror were very real. I could not eat, I could not sleep, I could barely process what I learned from the animal caretakers, veterinarians, court records, open records, and statements made by former board members. Then I reviewed all the old animal inventory lists I collected over the years and the true horror sunk in -- I crashed to my knees and cried my eyes out for hours -- praying to God to take away my pain and sorrow for the shear number of all the animals that either died or disappeared over the years from this facility. Then came the discovery of the animal pits at both locations -- based on the past animal inventories, newspaper/Internet articles, and internal documentation, I estimated hundreds of animals were buried in these pits over the past 10 years. Animals that I grew to love and adore, tossed into a pit along with other animal bodies, left to rot in the ground until more bodies were added.
I asked people associated with this facility, "Why didn't you tell me about this [horror] sooner?" The answer I got was "we thought you knew what was happening to the animals." I was told by the workers they were instructed to keep quiet and not discuss the fate of the animals with the public--including me. Animals were often moved around and shuffled between the two facilities, so it became almost impossible to know what happened to them. In 2005, the animal caretakers opened up and shared with me a lot of what they knew was happening at this "sanctuary." Shockingly, they were unwilling to take a stand with me in support of the animals for fear of losing their jobs. I also learned past employees and other individuals voicing complaints were threatened with lawsuits if they spoke out against the facility, so the lesson the employees learned was "keep your mouth shut." So now I was alone.
I can not begin to count the number of times I cried out, "Why me Lord? Why have you shown me this? What can I possibly do to save these animals now -- I am alone because the workers do not want to save the animals because they love their jobs more than they love the animals -- so now what?" It was during my darkest moment when one quiet message was sent to me from Heaven - "if not you, then who will save the animals?" I was inspired by these words because God told me that one person can make a difference. I just needed guidance (where to find the evidence), instruction (how to present the evidence), and determination (to see this through to the end). God doesn't admire quitters - He created me to "roar" and I was determined to do just that for all the lions, tigers, wolves, ligers, non-human primates, human primates, cougars, bobcats, servals, birds, rabbits, bears, and all of the other God's creatures living (or no longer living) at this facility -- even if it meant I would have to "roar" alone.
Thankfully, God gave me the strength and courage to continue my personal investigation into this place. Over the course of several months, I met and spoke with a lot of wonderful animal rescuers/caregivers-- ironically almost all of them already knew the horrific conditions at the "sanctuary"-- and with their help and guidance I was able to obtain the evidence I needed to go to the Federal and State governments and request immediate investigations into the this facility. This blog is my journey -- my account of perseverance and determination - which I hope will give strength and comfort to anyone facing a similar situation. Remember -- never lose faith in what you are doing -- your passion for animals will never diminish if you stay true to your heart and your convictions.
Added August 2013: Life as an Animal Rescuer...
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